Music Makes My Life Go Round

Overwrought teenagers often emotionally claim “music saved their lives!” But if I could have you take a deep breath and try to believe me, I can tell you that music did, in fact, change my life in dramatic ways, not once but twice.

I gave up a lot when my first child was born. He was a “hard baby.” I never knew how hard until my second child was born and there was a DRAMATIC difference. “Oh my god” was all I could think, is this what it was supposed to be like?  After nearly ten years of utter (although admittedly voluntary) subjugation to the special needs of my son, things changed. I read a novel that somehow allowed music back into my life. My sisters were involved in this too. We would pick songs that would go with different parts of the storyline and I became a complete teenager in this pursuit. BUT, it pulled me out of a self-imposed hole I was sunk in and returned “self” to me. I eventually joined an online forum for a band and made many, many friends from around the word. The name I used as an online persona persists today – 10YearsGone – in my Twitter, Instagram, and one Gmail account. This return of self had a deep and lasting impact on my life. I actually know the day it started and it’s noted on my calendar as my “re-birthday”. It’s coming up next month and it’ll be eight years. I know it sounds simple, but only someone who has lost themselves and then found their way back truly understands how profound this is. It’s possible that I never would have found my way back, sometimes that happens to people. I know it was those early days of picking out music from bands I had never heard of before that sparked the soul in me to fight its way back.

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Is there any other place to be other than the front row?

The second time music changed my life it was more a function of the community that developed around me. I spent a lot of time going to live music. I even started writing reviews for a music blog. I was well entrenched in the music scene and I was thriving. My personal life, however, was in the crapper. I had a couple of very poignant interactions from my music sphere that finally made me understand that I was better than what I was getting at home. I could finally see that I needed to make a change and I disentangled myself from a marriage that was not working for me. It was revelatory to know I could move on and be a happier person in all aspects of my life.

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This community is so tight-knit that the “tour flag” gets itself from venue to venue handed off to a new carrier each time with no involvement from the band.

Since then I have gotten some of my tattoos to commemorate the music of the bands that have inspired me – Frank Turner and the Sleeping Souls and Biffy Clyro. These two bands have fan groups that make up a significant portion of my music friends. I saw Frank Turner play just the other night and Biffy are playing in April right before my birthday. Both these bands definitely deserve a post of their own. Another band, Snow Patrol, while they did not inspire me to ink myself, provided me with the lion’s share of my international/online friends. Sadly, Snow Patrol hasn’t toured in a dog’s age so it’s been a long while since I’ve see many of these people, but they are still very important to me.

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Snow Patrol at Letterman. The sisters and I are on the right (I’m in *yellow*!)

These three bands and the people who follow them have influenced me in profound ways that I could never have projected back when I was mired deep in the difficulties of early motherhood. Music and my involvement in it changed my life infinitely for the better. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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2 thoughts on “Music Makes My Life Go Round”

  1. I try to think of those years not as lost but as given as a gift to your child(ren). You have given them an extraordinary gift, even if it came at a high price for you. I have a child who will always be home – he”s six – and I often feel like I’m drowning and pay absolutely no attention to who I am as an individual. What advice do you have for someone who is in the thick of it??

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    1. Absolutely it was a gift, one I was glad to give and would tell others to give as well. But the totality of what I lost was not apparent until I was out the other side. Many people are able to find balance in the middle of it, I was not. I feel like I barely held onto sanity and largely blame the fact that I had to shoulder the lion’s share of the burden. If I can advise one thing, it might be to make sure you aren’t the only one doing the emotional heavy lifting. That way, when something comes along that can give you a spark, you are available to accept it.

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